Daddy
Two years ago today, I lost my daddy. I still feel the same hurt. I still haven't been able to wrap my mind around the fact that he's gone. They say to cherish all the moments you had and remember their joys and things like that, and I do, but I can't help but feel cheated. My daddy was supposed to grow old and move in with me and I was gonna take care of him. THAT was my plan, not this, not him dying at 55.
My daddy was my guy. He was the parent I most identified with- the one I saw myself in. He was the one who made me feel like all was right with the world as long as he was around. He was flawed, but aren't we all? He would catch my tears in a cup and sing Temptations songs to me. He was strong and smart. He was handsome and charismatic. He told good stories. He became good stories.
He visits me in my dreams often; sometimes they're warm and soothing and sometimes I want to stay asleep forever just to be with him. In the time since his passing, I've been finding myself. I've been taking hold of who and what I really am because losing him felt like I lost part of myself. I felt lost. I started doing things I've always wanted to do- taking risks because it feels as if to live this life less than fully and wholly would be to dishonor his memory.
Today I am both sad and thankful. Although I'm sad that he's not here to witness me go through these transitions, I'm thankful that he saw so many of my transitions and that he is now an ancestor protecting and guiding me. He was my rock when he was here physically and now that he's here only in spirit, I count on him even more and I know that he is able to provide things spiritually in ways he couldn't provide them in the flesh. I've transitioned from praying for him to praying to him.
Today I remember my dad. I remember his love, his wisdom, his laughter, his lessons.
Thank you, Daddy.
My daddy was my guy. He was the parent I most identified with- the one I saw myself in. He was the one who made me feel like all was right with the world as long as he was around. He was flawed, but aren't we all? He would catch my tears in a cup and sing Temptations songs to me. He was strong and smart. He was handsome and charismatic. He told good stories. He became good stories.
He visits me in my dreams often; sometimes they're warm and soothing and sometimes I want to stay asleep forever just to be with him. In the time since his passing, I've been finding myself. I've been taking hold of who and what I really am because losing him felt like I lost part of myself. I felt lost. I started doing things I've always wanted to do- taking risks because it feels as if to live this life less than fully and wholly would be to dishonor his memory.
Today I am both sad and thankful. Although I'm sad that he's not here to witness me go through these transitions, I'm thankful that he saw so many of my transitions and that he is now an ancestor protecting and guiding me. He was my rock when he was here physically and now that he's here only in spirit, I count on him even more and I know that he is able to provide things spiritually in ways he couldn't provide them in the flesh. I've transitioned from praying for him to praying to him.
Today I remember my dad. I remember his love, his wisdom, his laughter, his lessons.
Thank you, Daddy.
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